September 1, 2007

An Interesting Week in Sexual Relations

This week has been an interesting one, in sexual relations. In Iowa, Judge Robert B. Hanson overturned the state's ban on same sex marriage on the grounds that it violated the constitutional principle of equal protection. After a mere four hours, an injunction preventing the licensing of homosexual unions was put in place while the state supreme court decided whether to consider an appeal, but it appears that the damn has cracked if not fully broken.

Meanwhile, in Idaho, socially conservative Republican Senator Larry Craig - a vocal opponent of same-sex marriage and gay rights - resigned in the face of withering criticism after his arrest for soliciting a male undercover police officer in the Minneapolis airport. Interestingly, the GOP response to Mr. Craig's peccadillo was considerably greater and far less forgiving than that received by his colleague, David Vitter, who has admitted to patronizing female prostitutes.

All of this brings to mind the list below. It periodically surfaces in eMails and on various web pages, although its origin appears to be unknown. In any case, it is excellent in both its insight and concision, while putting the lie to the idea that same-sex marriage is somehow 'un-American." Enjoy:

Ten Reasons Gay Marriage is Un-American
  1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Oh my gosh. That is hysterical.